Become a Tibetan Buddhist--Briefly
Sunday, June 19, 2011I Become a Tibetan Buddhist--Briefly
I sat in shock while staring at a painting of a Buddha sitting in meditation position with a nude woman on his lap that was on my spiritual teacher’s website. “Am I in a Tantric sex teaching?” I thought, “How can anyone display a Buddha in such a degrading position since he advocated celibacy?
I had joined a Tibetan sect a few months ago after knowing my teacher for 9 months. He was the first spiritual teacher that I had that spent a lot of time with me by answering all of my spiritual questions and even giving me lessons that my husband and I both enjoyed. I was now only on the second lesson and by now had taken Refuge in the Buddha. This teacher was also sweet, kind, intelligent, and compassionate, so how could this be? And yet I had read The Guru Papers, I knew that gurus could be charming, could have all of these qualities, so it was no surprise really. Little did I know as I do now that the tantric teachings come from the Tibetan Buddhists, but somehow I knew that also, because years ago I had read, The Shadow of the Dalai Lama, but I thought that his tradition was different? It just goes to show that past research doesn’t always help a person to stay out of negative religions, because I had forgotten all that I had read.
I remember telling my teacher before I accepted him that I didn’t like gurus because of my bad experiences with them in the past, they were harsh and had sexual relations with women, and he said that he understood. Why then did he think it would be any different with him?
I emailed him immediately after seeing the photo, and in an accusing way, I asked, “Am I in a Tantric sex religion? He let me know that the painting was not sexual, that it only symbolized the union of wisdom with compassion. I was not satisfied, so I began to ask other Buddhists about it, and no one seems to be bothered by this imagine and some said the same thing as my teacher. I even asked a Zen teacher about it, and he wrote back, “That photo is derived from Tibet or Tantric Buddhist.”
I kept doing research on the internet and thought to check out my teacher’s Master’s website, and it was then that I learned that his tradition teaches the Kalachakra Tantra. How did I miss this before and what does that mean? So I continued researching and remembered the online book, The Shadow of the Dalai Lama, and it was there where I found the painting that had shocked me as well as a discussion of the Kalachakra that opened my eyes once again. But then some Tibetan Buddhists said that the Trimondis, who wrote this online book, were all wrong. So I found a book on Amazon, The Commentary of the Kalachakra Tantra, that was mentioned in the Trimondis website. I would see for myself if it was taken out of context as claimed. The author had been a Tibetan lama and had come to America, surely no one could refute him, and they didn’t.
In the meantime I wrote my teacher again, telling him that I knew that he taught the Kalachakra Tantra and that I quit because I knew that it was sexual. He wrote me a long NO letter saying that he doesn’t teach it the way the Dalai Lama taught it, that there are no visualizations, no consorts, and that my sources from various places were all wrong. He also added that it was not about sex; he didn’t do visualizations or have a consort. And then he said that he would send me the Kalachakra initiation handbook, and I could see for myself.
I thought about it, and realized maybe he is telling me the truth, so I wrote back telling him to not send it, but it was already in the mail. In the meantime the Commentary book arrived, and I spent two days pouring over it, underlining passages in pencil. It was hard to read due to the nature of the content. I was seeing a Buddhism that was so different from anything I had learned, and it was very disturbing to me.
And there was no way that anyone could see it as not pertaining to sex. Even the “Bodhichitta” definition of compassion had a hidden meaning, a code for "semen." Other Buddhist words were also decoded, such as “lotus” was the “vagina.” And the chant, "Om mani Padme Hum," well, "mani" refers to the tip of the penus, and "padme" refers to the "vagina." Since Bodhicitta" refers to sperm, "mani" (in the prayer, Om mani padma hum) means "jewel", a symbol for the tip of the penis, and "padma" means "lotus", which is a symbol for the vagina. So Om mani padma hum changes meaning according to context. As an ordinary prayer, it means "the jewel in the lotus". In the esoteric sex rituals, it means....well, I'm sure you can figure it out.
While reading all of this I also realized that I was losing yet another teacher, one that I liked who was a excellent teacher as well, but I could not accept that Buddha taught this as they claimed. Practiced separately from the Buddha's teachings is one thing, but claiming it isn't and hiding these teachings is another matter.
In the meantime I wrote to a famous Buddhist author and teacher after reading that he had been a student of the Dalai Lama, as had my teacher. He wrote back:
Dear Josey,
I’ve not read the whole of the Trimondi book – it was written in German years ago, but never published in English. No one I know takes it seriously. However, all higher yoga tantras, including the Kalachakra, contain sexual practices, but these are only supposed to be undertaken after years of training. But, of course, some teachers use them as a justification to gain sexual favours from students. So be careful.
Warmly, (name removed)
Why couldn’t my own teacher be just as honest? Did he think that I was too stupid to do research? Why didn’t he tell me before I joined since he knew that I left gurus when I learned of their sexual indiscretions?
In the meantime, the initiation from my teacher came in the mail, and I read it. There was nothing in it that would cause me to think that tantric sex was taught, but when I thought about it I realized that initiations don’t have the meditation practice in them, after all, I have had initiation in the past from gurus and one Zen Master, so I know that practices are not included.
And so I then checked out his teacher's website thoroughly, and the teachings mentioned, "retention of semen" and consort practice. So it does teach tantric sex in spite of all of his denials.
So I wrote him back: “There was nothing in the initiation that you sent that bothered me, but I have found a copy of the Kalachakra Tantra, and I have read it. I do not believe that Buddha ever taught this, and so I am leaving. He wrote back agreeing it was best. And by that time, I had already thrown out all of the teachings, our letters, and the Tibetan items that he had given to me.
Since then I continued my research. What I am finding has been hard to take at times, but it feels necessary for me to warn others that there is abuse in this practice, beginning in the early times of Tibet.
Posted by josey at 6:35 AM
http://downthecrookedpath-meditation-gurus.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-become-tibetan-buddhist-briefly.html
