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MeToo:Memoir on my Second Actual Sexual Relationship with the Karmapa |
Memoir on the Second Actual Sexual Relationship with Karmapa ![]() Here, I would like to explain causes, process and the impacts of the second sexual relationship with the Karmapa. First of all, I will describe the remote causes and the proximate causes of the second sexual relationship with Karmapa. 1- Remote Causes 1-1- Karmapa Commanded Me to Go to USA For many years, as soon as the Karmapa commanded, I would follow his commands. Similarly, on May 17, 2018, Karmapa sent a Skype message “Come on”, which meant that he commanded me to go to the United States. On May 25, 2018, when I just arrived at JFK Airport in New York, I sent messages to the Karmapa. He said that “the third gift” had not given to me. His words were surprisingly opposite to his previous words. In his messages, Karmapa also explained the reasons why I don’t need to give birth to a child for him. I have asked Karmapa to keep the antique coral rosary in good condition, and not to give it to other girls, and I repeatedly denoted that I wanted to get back the old coral rosary, just like he wants to get back the black crown, because that was a token of the previous love between us. 1-2-Karmapa Banned Me from Conducting a Retreat On May 25, 2018, Karmapa and I made a 7-minute telephone conversation via Skype. Karmapa asked me, “Where are you?” I replied: “I am at the Aloft Harlem Hotel.” Karmapa said: “If you tell me earlier, I can arrange a hotel room for you.” I responded, “You can arrange my room for my whole lifetime.” As soon as he heard these words, he unpleasantly hung up. After that, two weeks were gone, and Karmapa has had no messages sent to me, so I was wondering if I should arrange my own studies, practice or retreat. On June 11, 2018, I asked Karmapa through the Line app. asking the Karmapa to allow me to go for a three-year and three-month traditional retreat expressing my hope that Karmapa would be able to help me out for the application for doing a retreat in a monastery. However, at 12:20 PM on June 12, 2018, Karmapa replied: “Do what! Three-year and three-month retreat?” Then I was very confused because Guru asked me to go to the United States, but I have been in the United States for almost three weeks yet there were no any arrangements for a Dharma work, or any guidance and arrangements for my Dharma practice. I had nothing to do so I spent my time all day long guessing what the meanings of his words, i.e. “I haven’t given you the third gift yet”. 1-3-Karmapa Gave Me Money to stay in USA Originally, with my return ticket I returned to Hong Kong on June 15, 2018. But in the evening of June 14, 2018, he sent messages to let me go to Flushing’s Niu Pot for dinner at 7:00 in the evening. The Karmapa urged me to go to the restaurant very early. I knew at the time that I was not eating with him alone. In that case, I went with my Ani friend, Ani Sonam, and a layperson friend, Karen. My friend and I were the first to go to the restaurant. The Karmapa sent a voice message to LINE: “Tell them that you are sent by the King.” We waited for the King to come. The King has not yet arrived, and some young girls have already sat down. The first comer was a beauty from Harbin, China, who looked like Faye Wong. She was called the Karma Fayuan and was invited to go to eat by the King. She sat down and continued to use her phone. The other person who has appeared on the King’s list of friends of Skype was a beautiful girl with big eyes. Soon, my layperson friend has arrived. The King arrived. The fat bodyguard did not like me and he wanted me to leave. The King originally pointed to a far distant table and told me to go over there with my two friends. He said, “You sit there. Forget it! Forget it!” Finally, we did not move from our seats. Then, the King arranged the seats of those women. The King placed Karma Fayuan next to him, and another girl in his Skype friends’ list, Jing Zhang, was sitting opposite the King. My two friends and I sat down at the table next to the King. We were eating vegetarian hotpot dishes. I saw those women’s seats were exchanged again and again. They were called by the King to sit next to him one by one and whispered in the ear, and laughed loudly. Even, I saw Karma Fayuan was arranged by the King to sit in seat of the King. At that time, the Karmapa wore a brown sports long-sleeved jacket, without wearing a shawl. I went to bathroom, and then went back to my seat. The King told me to sit next to him. It was my turn to walk over to his seat from my seat. All the women were looking at me. He gestured with his hand for me to bring my ears closer. He whispered softly in my right ear: “Why are you going back so quickly?” He let me get closer to whisper and I felt sorry and said, “Because there is no money.” He suddenly said loudly: “(If you) have no money, then tell me.” Then handed the three red packets into me. That was the total of more than two thousand US dollars. Then, Karmapa took away the new coral rosary from my wrist to his hands for fun and said, “Is this my rosary?” He wanted to confiscate my rosary into his right hand pocket, and I took the rosary back. I asked him where my old coral rosary was, and he claimed that he has sent it to his mother. I asked if it was his mother in this life, he said yes. Then he whispered in my ear and said, “You find a place to live for a while, then I will arrange a place for you, then I will teach you phowa, and then tomorrow, maybe you will die.” Speaking of “Tomorrow, maybe you will die,” he spoke very loudly, then everyone laughed and I returned to my seat. My friends went up one by one and sat down to talk to the King. After eating, the King returned to his place. Everyone went out with the King. I didn’t look back and continued to eat. The next day, I have not returned to Hong Kong and waited for the summoning of the King in New York. 1-4- Karmapa Touched my Thigh at Dinner On the evening of June 29, 2018, at the Franchia Vegan Cafe, he let me sit next to him and eat. There were three lay people on the opposite side, one of them is the lady called Rabbit. I heard that in the American Kagyu Monlam Prayers Gathering, the King let her sit nearby and he touched her ear in public. I recognized that the opposite of the King is lady Rabbit. He said: “For present-day people, sangha members are lay people; lay people are sangha members.” Then, under the table, he placed his left hand on the knees and my right thigh rubbing and patting. He covered his left hand with his red shawl, and then continued to touch and caress. At the same time, he has been continuously talking nonsense. He touched it all night, patting, and said something nonsense, “You are my disaster,” etc. Since I arrived late, he ordered for me a big bowl of rice, and I was really hungry at that time. When the meal came, he helped me mix the rice with both hands, and said “Dear”, and then he let me eat. When he left the restaurant, he said, “I will arrange a hotel room for you tomorrow. There will be a big living room there.” So I went back to my place to pick up my stuffs. 1-5-I was Fooled and Confused On June 29, 2018, I packed up the stuffs in an early time, and I put those Tibetan scriptures into the luggage, so the luggage became very heavy. I put things into the baggage as if I was going to follow him for my whole life. There was no messages from him whole morning. I have expected him until 10pm when he gave me via Skype the hotel information, i.e., the Dominick Hotel. Then I took my bulky luggage and went to the hotel. My Ani friend accompanied me while I was going there by Uber. At the time, Ani said that King and I would “take two doses”. I told Ani that that was not possible, because that time he was going to let me stay with him for a long time. I have been sitting in the hotel lobby and no one was there until 12 o’clock in the evening. But the King has texted me to wait in the lobby, so I continued to wait. Almost until 1am in the morning, the King’s assistant Jacke Rosa appeared. He took me to the room (Room 1411) and handed me the door card. But I didn’t know why there was a problem with a room key card. When I arrived at the room, I was very tired and wanted to sleep. Then he called via Skype. He said that he had arranged a card for my room and a card for his room enclosed to me. I asked: “Really? Why don’t you tell me early?” He asked, “Is there any other clothes? Is there any casual clothes?” I said, “If you told me early in the morning, I would have. Where to find it now? I really want to sleep.” He suddenly said, “I don’t welcome you now.” At that moment, my emotions were blackmailed again. I thought I could follow him in the future and stay with him for a long time. But it seemed that was not the case. I knew in my heart what he wanted from me. I was very depressed. However, my wish is to follow him, often by his side. Why didn’t he arrange me to be with him? I began to suspect that his only purpose that he told me to come to the United States was for his sexual needs. But I was not for that reason. I reflected on what I was looking for when I met him in India from the beginning time. Since he has been a monk, I also went to be a nun, and I learned Tibetan continuously for years. My hope was to work around him and spend my life together to benefit others with pure dharma instead of having a one-night stand with him. I was very upset. He arranged in that way and blamed me for not doing well. Ani later told me that I was too slow. If I were a laywoman, I would fly to his room and get it done. Ani added that he didn’t get what he wanted, and I gave him lemons to eat, so he was angry and after all he was king. My Ani friend could see through the King very clearly, but it was I who was confused. Actually, I really hesitated because I was not prepared to give him sexual services. I thought I would follow him forever and work by his side. I only have Buddhist scriptures in my suitcase, and some Tibetan Dharma books. I didn’t bring with me any one piece of what he so-called “casual clothes”, and I have left them in Flushing. So I decided that the next day not to go back taking the clothes back to the hotel. On June 30, 2018, the next day, he told me to wait for him at the hotel lobby at 6 o’clock in the evening, to bring his room card to him. I have already gone to the lobby before 6 pm, but after waiting for half an hour, my stomach was not well. I went back to my room because of diarrhea. I felt very weak, probably because I haven’t had lunch. I was very tired and lying on bed. His messages came again, saying that he had already left the lobby, and asked me where I was. Then, he told me to insert his door card inside a book and take it to the ninth floor and return the room card to him. I said that I didn’t want to return his card because I want to keep it as a memento. So, I did not meet him. In the evening, I ordered a dish of spaghetti and I gained a little strength. I didn’t know if he wants sex or permanent love. I was disappointed and I didn’t type to him again. Until 12:12AM, he sent a message saying that his sister began to suspect me, against me, and said that it was the best for me to go back to Hong Kong. I believed in his words and decided to go back to Hong Kong with Ani. He personally arranged me two nights of hotel accommodation but I haven’t meet his desires well, so he was angry and wanted me to leave the United States. As a result, as soon as I received his message of commanding me to get back to Hong Kong in the very early morning of July 1, 2018, I left the hotel at two o’clock in the middle of the night because I felt that the hotel was not safe. In that way, I lived in the hotel room he arranged for two days, but I did not see him. In the afternoon of July 1, 2018, on the same day, he ordered me to delete his entire Skype contact, threatening me saying, “Otherwise I will not see you from now on.” He wanted me to delete his Skype and texted “Hurry up.” After Skype was deleted, we only used LINE apps for communication. 1-6- Karmapa Blamed on Me On July 3, 2018, via the LINE apps, he blamed me for not entering the room at the Dominick Hotel and got it done well. He said, “That night…you haven’t well…I mean…. because you should move faster, you can’t hesitate. I said a word, you were still asking this and that, and then, if something else happens in the middle, what to do, so I give up.” 1-7-King Punished and Degraded Me In the evening of July 3, 2018, I asked to see him, because Ani and I confirmed the ticket to go back on the 4th. At first, Karmapa used various excuses to say that he was in a place where he lived and it was not convenient to see me there. I was not allowed to go to his house. It turned out that he had three girls in his house. Later, when I went to his house, I discovered that he had cooked together with lady Rabbit, the low-cut hot pants girl and the tall young girl in the kitchen. He handed me a bottle of non-alcoholic beverage, and I drank it, sitting in his beauty kitchen like a drunkard. He let me go there to meet him because I said that I wanted to go back to Hong Kong. He also said “It’s not convenient to see you”, “How come so late”, “The place where you live is far away from here,” “It’s too late now,” “It’s very strange to be so late.” It turned out that he was actually cooking with three beautiful women. He had no arrangement to meet me. Instead, he blamed me for not telling him in an early time. In fact, I told him two days before that day that I would fly back to Hong Kong on the 4th. When I was eating in his beauty kitchen, the King came over and snatched my new coral rosary by his both hands! I couldn’t believe that he would take away what he has given to me? ! He commanded me to leave quickly. He had to cook with other women in the kitchen. Karmapa accompanied Ani and I to the gate and saw us off. When we arrived at the gate, he saw my empty hands and he gave me an amethyst rosary, a mirror, and a singing bowl. Giving me the amethyst rosary, Karmapa said: “An ordinary rosary.” After receiving the gift, I held and pinched his hand. After that, I got into a car and went back to the hotel. At that time, I was awakened that the words “I hope I will always be with you”, that he has said to me on the first day of the Lunar New Year in 2012, when he held his palms together in front of the computer screen, was fake. That night, I haven’t slept all night, and my mind was only thinking about the past things between he and me. I was heartbroken. He only wants me to die. He, whom I devote to, has betrayed me; he, whom I rely on, has given up on me. I realized that he has carried out a series of mental abuses against me. I also realized that the Dharma King who was venerated by thousands of people was such an ordinary human! Demanding for dying was my only wish at the time. That night, I was lying on the floor of the hotel bathroom, letting the water sprinkle on my body. Later, I decided to live. So I decided not to return to Hong Kong and stayed alone in America. 2-Proximate Causes 2-1-I Apologized for my Mistake and Asked for Another Chance According to the Tibetan Buddhist doctrines, I knew that I should completely let go of my attachment, that I should “depend on the Guru” and “practice what the teacher likes”, so I decided to admit my mistake and asked the Karmapa for forgiveness. At the same time, I asked the Karmapa to give me another chance. On July 5, 2018, I asked the Karmapa to forgive my “disobedience”, “hesitation” and “prolixity” and asked him to give me the opportunity to correct my mistakes. The following is the LINE dialogue between Karmapa and me on July 5, 2018. Thu, 2018/7/5 Me: Are you at the lake house? Me: Hotel? Can you give me a chance? Karmapa: (Voice message 0:26”) I can give you a chance, but the problem is that you must listen to me, and you can’t hesitate, then you must not be naggy, you must do right away what I want you do, otherwise, how can I rest easy? Me: I know. Me: I won’t talk. I’ll listen to you. Me: I’ll act once I heard. Me: I won’t hesitate. Me: I will try to improve. Me: Sorry, I was born like this, but I will change it. Please give me a chance. (Karmapa called me and talked 17:47”) Me: I can come to your hotel. Me: in a high speed. Others won’t see. Me: I can. ⋯⋯ 2-2- Karmapa Commanded Me Not to Wear Nun’s Robes Since last time Karmapa said to me “I don’t welcome (you)” as I didn’t have casual clothes with me, I learned to improve myself that time and I had to be prepared beforehand, so I asked him if I had to wear casual clothing and if I need buy a condom. Karmapa clearly instructed me: “Don’t wear nun’s clothes,” and ”no” need buy a condom. The following is the LINE dialogue between Karmapa and me on July 6, 2018 and July 8,2018. Fri, 2018/7/6 Me: Do I wear Ani’s clothes to go, like last time. Is there another plan? ⋯⋯ Karmapa: Don’t wear nun's robe Me: I know Karmapa: Where to live, think a solution Sun, 2018/7/8 Me: Is there anything to buy? For example, a condom? It should be no longer needed, because my menstruation is coming. I will not get pregnant. Forget it Karmapa: No Karmapa: very expensive 3- Process 3-1- Karmapa Made Zero Witnesses At 9:52PM on July 8, 2018, Karmapa let me book a hotel room in the Mark hotel in Manhattan, New York, and rebuked me for not “doing well” with the good opportunity last time when he booked the room of the Dominick Hotel for me. For the present time, he would not book the hotel room for me again. In addition, he said via LINE: “If I book the room, people around me will know that you are in the hotel.” At 9:52PM on July 8, 2018, I booked the room and Karmapa made me stay in “my own room”. He commanded, “Don’t come out,” and he let me wait until 3AM in the morning. At that time, I discovered that the Karmapa has been active over nights. 3-2-Karmapa Commanded me to Take Key in Lobby On July 9, 2018, Karmapa first placed his room key under one of the orange cushions on a single sofa chair in the lobby, and then he sent me message through the Line soft apps at 1:40AM to command me to go down to the lobby to take his room key. Then I went back to my room and waited until 3:01AM in the morning. He sent a message “Go up,” and told me to go to his room, Room 1202. Outside his room, there was an empty chair. At that time, there were nobodies sitting outside his room to guard the door. 3-3- Karmapa Commanded Me to Hide in Closet He commanded me to get into his room, hide into the room closet and wait for him to be back the hotel room. 3:12AM in the morning, he returned to his room. At 3:13AM, I came out from the hotel room closet. We sat on the couch in the living room of his room for a while. There were only two of us in the room. The front of the couch in the living room was a big TV screen. The TV has been kept turning on, yet not turning off. The two of us were wearing casual clothes sitting on the couch. He sat on my left. My head has been leaning on the shoulder of his right hand for approximately 1 minute while I was looking at the glowing TV screen. There should have been a bodyguard outside the door at that time. He should not have known that I was in the room. 3-4- Karmapa Had Sex With No Condom Then he took me from the living room to the bedroom, and told me to take off my clothes, and he also stripped himself. I took off clothes and left the last piece, the underwear, and he helped me take that piece off. First, he let me lie down. I saw him spit on his right hand fingers, then he rubbed his penis with his saliva before inserting, and then we had a second actual sex on bed. In the process of sexual intercourse, he has not worn a condom, and after sex, I helped him with a full body massage. During the massage, he said that I was fat and pointed out that there was fats on my belly and said, “You have three layers. I only have two layers (of fats).” After the massage he went to take a shower. I watched him take a shower. He told me to take the towel to him by saying out only a word: “Towel.” As he suddenly turned into English, I didn’t know what he was talking about at that time. He then said towel again in Chinese. 3-5- I Was Commanded to Kneel Down After Sex The time was almost up. After we got dressed, he commanded me to kneel down and listen to him instructing me how to leave, but in the end he took away the bodyguard outside the door. Before he left the room, he commanded me to hide in the closet again. I suddenly had a nosebleed in the closet. Fortunately, I had some tissue paper with me. Then, the Karmapa sent a message “(You) can go” at 4:28AM in the morning and told me to leave the room. After receiving the message, I immediately left his room and returned to my room. 4-Impact After the second sexual intercourse with Karmapa, our relationship continued to be entangled, because of the physical intimacy. Karmapa continued to confuse the relationship between us, and therefore it led to the third sexual relationship in the future. The backgrounds, situation and impacts of the second actual sexual relationship with Karmapa are recounted completely. The Second Memoir on Karmapa's Abuse (karmaparapesbydeception.blogspot.com) |
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